saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
