Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
