I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
