Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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