none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
