Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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