I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
