Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
