You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
