Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
