i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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