Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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