I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
