Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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