Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
