I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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