summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
time to smoke my breakfast
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
