he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Girls should come with a carfax report
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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