Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
