No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
