My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
