a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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