TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
