I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
