Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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