I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
