I feel like abortions should bother me more
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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