I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
