I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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