Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
