never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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