I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
