He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
