I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
