the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
