My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
