Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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