I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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