ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
