So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
