The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
