i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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