i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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