we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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