You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize