I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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