i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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