You smell like a Billy Joel song
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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