I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
