Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
