I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
