Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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