the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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