she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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