That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
